


Objects May Appear Closer

by akamine_chan, araline, sallysparrow017



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Audio Format: M4B, Audio Format: MP3, Audio Format: Streaming, Community: pt-lightning, Gen, Podfic, Podfic Collaboration, Podfic Length: 10-20 Minutes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-30
Updated: 2013-11-30
Packaged: 2018-01-02 19:37:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1060772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akamine_chan/pseuds/akamine_chan, https://archiveofourown.org/users/araline/pseuds/araline, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sallysparrow017/pseuds/sallysparrow017
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dana finds her way to the Museum of Forbidden Technologies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Objects May Appear Closer

**Author's Note:**

> Written by akamine_chan, podficced by araline and sallysparrow017.
> 
> This story was written to be listened to, not read, so please take the time to listen to the marvelous work that sally and araline did. If you share fandoms with them (mainly TW), go check out their other works. They are tremendously talented.
> 
> Warning: this podfic contains special effects and music. If you are easily startled by sounds, please listen to the podfic with care.

  


**Cover Artist** : [akamine_chan](http://archiveofourown.org/users/akamine_chan)

**Download: **[MP3](http://www.mediafire.com/download/1lh28rpgbn8kbu8/Objects%20May%20Appear%20Closer.mp3) (14 MB) | [M4B](http://www.mediafire.com/download/rfc5g6j94mic684/Objects%20May%20Appear%20Closer.m4b) (10 MB) ****

Length: 16:55

"Cecil? Cecil? It's Dana. Can you hear me? I don't know how I did it, but I finally managed to get out of the Dog Park. I followed one of the mysterious Hooded Figures and— Oh! It's the Museum of Forbidden Technologies. I'm just going to go inside, see what's going on— I'll try to call you again. Goodbye, Cecil. 

"Cecil? Can you hear me? The Hooded Figure's disappeared, I don't know where it's gotten off to, but— I'm going to keep reporting on what I find in the Museum. Okay, the inside of the Museum is pretty big, there are various exhibits but I don't think a lot of people come to visit, because there's a layer of dust on everything and all the exhibits are covered in burlap. Hold on— Oh, it looks like all the plaques have been blacked out. Wait, wait, does this thing actually work?"

The Museum of Forbidden Technologies is partially funded by the Ministry of Cultural Education. The Ministry supports research, operates programs, and develops collections that serve the long-term interests of the institutions and residents of this fair state.

Additional capital generously provided by Ralphs, the Moonlite All-Nite Diner, and Big Rico's Pizza.

Major renovations of the Hall of Time are partially financed by the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex.

The Museum of Forbidden Technologies relies on donations from patrons to offset operating costs , so please stop at the Gift Shop and browse the fine selection of censored Guidebooks, Night Vale keychains, and postcards depicting some of the marvels that reside in the Museum.

_beep_

"Oh, what luck! Cecil, I found one of those audio tour guide devices, and it looks like it still works!"

Flash photography and videography are not allowed at the Museum of Forbidden Technologies. Please refrain from looking directly at any of the Museum's docents, and kindly limit yourself to only three bloodstones from the souvenir bucket.

_beep_

"Okay, Cecil, I'm going to go along with the tour, maybe I can find something out about the mysterious Hooded Figures; I don't know if you can hear the audio commentary, but—"

Welcome to the Museum of Forbidden Technologies! This audio tour will guide you through some of the exhibits in the Main Hall and the Mezzanine. Currently, the Hall of Time is under construction. Patrons visiting the Museum while the Hall of Time is closed to the public will be transported at the end of this audio tour to the future, where they may view the exhibits in the Hall of Time.

Those with pacemakers or other implanted electronic equipment may wish to refrain from visiting the newly renovated Hall of Time. The energies from so many temporal machines can create a powerful energy vortex which may interfere with the workings of some devices.

_beep_

"Cecil, I can see the Hall of Time from here. There's a big entrance way, but it's covered up with plastic sheeting, and there seems to be a bright pulsing light shining from behind it. I may have to go see what's back there. . ."

Hello there! I'm Andrea Lawson, Director of Special Projects here at the Museum of Forbidden Technologies, and I'm going to take you on a tour of some of the more fascinating exhibits we have.

_beep_

Exhibit 2 

Please turn left after once you enter the Main Hall. The exhibit will be in front of you.

"Cecil, I pulled aside the burlap, and there's this cube floating there, it's glowing, like there's blue-white fire inside, it's kinda pretty and it's not throwing off any heat, but I'm a little afraid to touch it. It's not big, I could probably hold it in my hand, but it feels _old_ and powerful. . ."

_beep_

In front of you is the [garbled]. Researchers have not managed to determine the [garbled] age or its origins, but they have discovered that it is a powerful artifact. Many of our research interns have helped map the powers of the [garbled]. It is a source of endless energy, able to power weapons of mass destruction. Some people, while under the control of the [garbled], have been able to see the future to some degree of accuracy. The [garbled] is also able to open portals, or rifts, into the space-time continuum, though researchers have not been able to control where or when the portals open to. Further study of the [garbled] is planned in hopes of learning more.

The Museum staff would like to take a moment to honor the memories of Intern Xiu, who instantly disintegrated when he touched the [garbled], and Intern Sarah, who was inadvertently transported to some other place-time, when she hooked up the [garbled] to an energy collector. The Museum recognizes their brave sacrifice in the name of knowledge and we send our condolences to their friends and families.

_beep_

"It's so hard to look away from it, it's so pretty. . . 

"Sorry, Cecil, I don't know what happened, I must have zoned out for a minute there. There's pictures on the plaque of the two interns, it's all very sad."

_beep_

Exhibit 17b

Please turn toward the North Star and walk six feet. Turn right and the exhibit will be directly in front of you.

"Oh my God, Cecil, you'll never believe what's here. _Pocket calculators_! I've never seen one in real life, just pictures. They're square and look at all the buttons! I was just a little girl when the City Council voted to outlaw them; my mom used to tell me stories about using them to add and subtract. . ."

_beep_

In 1990, for the safety and protection of the citizens of Night Vale, the City Council issued an edict to ban all pocket calculators. The Sheriff's Secret Police conducted a house-to-house search for any pocket calculators that were not voluntarily turned in, and what you see arrayed before you are what a few misguided citizens attempted to keep hidden.

Pocket calculators were developed in the 1970's in response to the miniaturization of integrated circuits and have steadily become smaller and cheaper over the years. By the 1990's, they were as powerful as the mainframes of the past, easily able to calculate square roots and graph trigonometric functions. Due to modern manufacturing techniques, the cost of pocket calculators dropped and they became commonplace in both homes and schools.

Eventually the City Council realized the danger of exposing Night Vale citizens to the dangerous power of the devices and instituted a ban on the machines. Today, every child that attends school in the Night Vale School District is well-versed and familiar with the use of abacuses and slide rules, eliminating the need for pocket calculators.

_beep_

"I can't imagine using a pocket calculator; it seems so fancy and overly complicated. Nothing wrong with a good wooden abacus for your calculating— What was that? What's— There's a flashing red light visible behind the sheeting covering the entrance to the Hall of Time, I wonder what's—

"Cecil, are you still there? I had to duck behind an exhibit because one of the mysterious Hooded Figures exited the Hall of Time. It seems to have gone off toward the children's section of the Museum. Maybe it wanted to check out the Many Extremely Dangerous and Exciting Uses for Lasers hands-on exhibit. I think it's gone for now. I'm going to look at the next exhibit."

Exhibit n

Turn left and walk five feet. Turn left. Turn right. Turn left and walk another seven feet. The exhibit will be directly in front of you.

_beep_

"It's a fish. Yellow and small, with a sucker for a mouth. It looks like a kissing fish on steroids. It's the only thing in the aquarium except for a small plant and one of those little treasure chest bubblers. Hey fishy fishy fishy. You're a cute little dude."

The Museum of Forbidden Technologies is proud to display a universal translator, on loan from the University of Betelgeuse.

The universal translator is powered by brain waves, especially the ones generated by the speech centers. The translator picks up on the transmitted cerebral energy created by communication and translates it into a brain wave matrix. The brain wave matrix is deconstructed by the speech centers and allows for the translation of any language.

Universal translators have helped facilitate communication between different cultures and has fostered love and peace in the world. 

_beep_

"Cecil, it's so amazing how much good this simple fish has contributed to the world. Isn't that right, little guy?"

Exhibit 3

Turn starboard. Walk fifteen feet widdershins. The exhibit will be directly in front of you.

_beep_

"Cecil, I don't really know what I'm looking at. It's a mirror, about two feet across, curved and faceted. It looks like it's made out of littler mirrors, I don't understand—"

Here is an exquisitely preserved specimen of da Vinci's Burning Mirror. Building upon Archimedes' work using bronze shields to concentrate solar power, da Vinci refined the idea and finally managed to create a working 'sun ray' which could be used to incinerate people and objects from several miles away on a sunny day.

The Sheriff's Secret Police have funded further research into the reproduction of Burning Mirrors, and have called dibs on any working prototypes.

"Leonarda Vinci was such a brilliant woman, don't you think? I wonder what she would think of the world today."

_beep_

Exhibit _e_

Turn in a circle and walk forward twenty cubits. The exhibit will be on your right. Or maybe your left.

_beep_

"It's a big glass jar, Cecil, with no seams that I can see. Inside—inside there's a fog or cloud, and it's glowing, the colors cycling through a baby blue, a sunflower yellow, a grassy green, and a cotton candy pink. Lovely pastel colors, and strangely hypnotic. . . It's humming, the little cloud, and I can almost make out words— Oh, it's so, so lonely, it just wants to be worshiped, to have minions and slaves bow down before it—"

The Glow Cloud generously donated one of its offspring to the Museum, though researchers haven't managed to determine exactly how the cloud qualifies as Forbidden Technology. The baby cloud, being an immature specimen of glow cloud, doesn't rain down small creatures like its parent, and has only the mildest effect on recording devices. It still does smell like vanilla, though.

"Oh, Cecil, I just can't leave it like this, forever trapped in its glass jar— Be free, little cloud." 

_beep_

This ends this portion of the audio tour. Please feel free to browse through the rest of the exhibits, and don't forget to visit the children's section of the Museum, especially the newly refurbished Many Extremely Dangerous and Exciting Uses for Lasers hands-on exhibit. Lasers are dangerous! And exciting! Eyepatches are available for purchase at the Museum Gift Store.

When you are ready to proceed to the future portion of this tour, please go to the northwestern corner of the building and stand on the blood-red colored 'X' painted on the floor. Be patient; it may take the building's A.I. a few moments to realize you are ready to travel. Once you are in the future, please take care not to kill any butterflies.

Remember that the Museum continues to operate through the generous financial support of patrons and visitors. Please consider donating a major organ to the Museum, or perhaps purchasing some postcards from the Gift Store.

Thank you, and please enjoy your visit to the Museum of Forbidden Technology.

"Cecil? I really wish I knew if you were getting any of this. Anyway, I'm more interested in checking out the Hall of Time in the present, not the future when everything's neat and perfect. I'm pretty sure I can sneak behind the plastic sheeting without too much trouble, just take a little peek at what's going on.

"Well, they're certainly not doing any active construction. There's a lot of trash and dust, but the walls are intact, and all the displays look finished. So many different kind of time machines. Oh! How cute! It's a cardboard box, with buttons and dials drawn on it in crayon. The side has 'Time Machine' written on it, but the 'c' is backwards, and 'machine' isn't spelled right. The plaque isn't blacked out, it says, 'Created by Tamika Flynn, age 8.' Kids are so great, Cecil!

"Oh, oops. I seem to have accidentally pushed a button on Tamika's time machine. It's marked 'future' and the dial is set to '500'; does that mean it's going to transport me five hundred years into the future? This could be very exciting, Cecil! I'll continue to talk for as long as I can, and if this is getting through to you, wish me luck! The last time I visited the future was when I was in high school, and it wasn't a pleasant experience. My grandchildren were really supercilious, pretentious, entitled jerks, and such a disappointment to me. But five hundred years, that's such a long time into the future. We may have insect overlords, or the world might be controlled by lizard people. Oh! The room's is getting kind of fuzzy, and I can kind of see through the walls, I can see outside, and time seems to be passing rapidly, the sun's rising and setting so fast, flashing like a strobe.

"Cecil, Cecil, can you still hear me? Tell my mom and brother that [static] them very much and I'll [static] as soon as possible. Cecil, Cecil! I can see—" 

-fin-

**Author's Note:**

> Aka: Many thanks for my collaborators on their patience and willingness to put up with my flakiness. They were awesome, though, helping me brainstorm artifacts and being enthusiastic about the whole idea. \o/ They are both so talented and I was blown away by what they accomplished with the raw material I gave them.
> 
> Thanks to mizface and hazelwho for beta and handholding.


End file.
